𝓘𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴..

If you ever come back and look for her, I wonder just how far would you go to find her..

Would you ask her friends for their piece of story they had of her?

How much time would you give to listen to the life she had after you left?

Would you feel your eyes become heavy with the weight of the tears that overspilled on your face?

Would you taste the bitterness of guilt on your lips? 

Would you lay awake asleep at night, staring at the ceiling because your mind is racing with a million questions, a thousand thoughts and enough scenarios to steal away a good night of sleep?

And I wonder if you ever come back to look for her, would her friends know what to tell you? 

They would know only the reality after you left.

The loss they had to witness..

They would know for sure that she died that day and they had to say goodbye to her too soon.

Nobody would know what her pained soul truly lived until the day she took her last breath.

You would never hear the unsaid stories of how she stayed by the door, filling herself with false hope that you would turn the knob and appear back into her life.

You would never know that until the day she died, she never once felt anger driving her into the pool of hate.

That she never once called you 'cruel' or 'horrible' for the way you left her.

You would hear how she has had a hard time, how destroyed she was and how much she cried,

But you would not know the fire she felt in her veins, the suffering she had to endure as demons dragged her into the Hell you left her as she got consumed by darkness.

And you would not know how every bone in her body felt like it was breaking, but it was only her heart that was bleeding and her soul that was shattering into pieces.

They would not know to tell you that she thought of you in every new face she met on the streets, every conversation she had with anyone, every little thing that she enjoyed, every fake smile she gave them.

How she would look at these things and begin to cry because she would see you in them, but she was unable to find you..

And she looked for you, she cried, she screamed, she pleaded. Sometimes she fell down, but her love for you was stronger than the heavy weight of sorrow, so she would get up again and seek for you.

Everyday. Every second, you were part of her in one way or another. 

And I don't know if I should call it beautiful or tragic, the way she suffered or the way she loved you.

How she did not give up on you until the last light in her soul died and how her whole being stayed loyal to only you, in the end.

She loved you deeply, unconditionally and just as you said, she reminded you of a mother's love. 

Yet she was not your mother, she was your lover.

You knew she was yours the moment you laid your eyes on her and you knew how fragile she would be, how fast she would break if you choose to hurt her.

You had that power because she gave it to you, but you broke her anyway. 

If you ever come back and look for her.. 

I hope you find her before she fades away for good,

Before everything that you knew she was disappears, before her existance becomes nothing but ashes that got wasted into the wind.