𝓘 𝓫𝓵𝓮𝓮𝓭 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾.

 As it rains outside, my skin begins to crawl from the chillness that lays in the air. I would be lying if I said I did not enjoy the little tingles down my spine as the room temperature drops and how, as I lay in bed, my warm blankets offer me a welcoming, loving hug of warmth beneath them. 

The sky is crying today again and I am sensing it's sadness is deep and desperate for the things that it can no longer have. 'I can relate', I tell myself in a soft whisper as I watch through the window the cold rain expressing it's pain profoundly. This kind of weather relaxes me and it makes my mind begin to wonder, a lot. It does something to me that no other would, my soul finds the pain all too familiar and so I start to bleed a little remembering you. 

The hardest part of this is that you're gone and I am never going to see you again.. I hold dearly to our old conversations, but the paper is starting to wrinkle and crumble into pieces. I suppose no matter how much I try, I will never be able to freeze a part of you in time in the material world but I am happy that my soul still remembers what it felt like to be caressed by your words and your presence so unique, I can't find it in another human being. I miss that. I miss you. It comes and goes in waves but today I am bleeding with pain from the soul. 

 I've grown a lot ever since our last encounter but, at core, I am still me. I guess I just.. lack feeling like something, anything at all. The pain of losing you was so great I just shut down completely, my thick gates are locked completely from any outsider ever entering and, at times, I don't even feel like I am the owner of the key. It doesn't feel good to feel so emotionless, so dead at times that I am questioning the means of my existance. The only thing I deeply feel is longing.. Longing, for you. I long for our deep conversations and to admire the depths and corners of your mind, how much I'd wonder just how more can you dig out of a one single subject. I long to feel safe once again in your presence and to watch you, admire you.. 

 Even after all this time, I only feel more love for the kind of soul you carry and I don't hold your human identity against you. We all make mistakes, some of those mistakes break one's soul and probably while you're out there doing your own thing I might be the only one longing for you. I'm fine with that because I loved you and you gave me something that doesn't compare with the material world. 

Until next time, this is all I have to say to you as I am running out of blood to use as ink for my pen and I once again close into this emotionless being that I've become.