𝓘 𝓬𝓪𝓷'𝓽 𝓭𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝔂𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮

My dear,

The one that broke not only my heart, but ripped my soul apart. 

Where are you now?

Because I am lost. I have dug myself a hole, it's dark and it's cold, but I can't seem to be able to get back out. Somehow, I feel like this darkness is having a feast of my pain, but it's not taking it away. It feels as if I am drowning in it and all I really want to do is sink to the bottom. When did I stop giving a damn about myself? Perhaps I always was a wreck, but you gave me a purpose to lift my gaze up from the ground and look up into your eyes and I could almost see a whole galaxy of stars in them, somehow they guided me home. Home.. in your arms where for a while I burried my roots deep and I got comfortable. And for the first time it felt right, for the first time I felt colors reappearing into my life. The trees no longer dried out from lack of life, but now they were dressed in green, the rivers were no longer just a puddle of running poison, somehow even the sky was not so dark and grey about to shed it's tears on to me and it finally allowed the sun to shine through. 

Like a blank page from a coloring book you filled it with so many and I smiled for the first time in years. Who would have though that such a fairytale existed? Was it because it was too good for this world or because I was too silly to believe in such things? I never would have thought it would end like this. As I almost forgot the bitterness of pain and sorrow, darkness came back to claim me again but I forgot what it felt like and it's unbearable to acomodate to it. 

Now, I am nothing but miserable and lost. The sky is pouring acid on my soaked clothes and slowly I feel the cloth material slowly blend in with my melting flesh. My feet are tired as I barely drag them on the dusty and dry terrain until I've got no more strenght left in them and I am left falling on my knees, crawling on the ground, but there is nothing awaiting for me in the distance and I want to give up, I want to so bad. I don't know just how much I can take this anymore.